Buckett's View From The Bleachers

COLTS 29 JAGUARS 7

Monday Night Football in Jacksonville, Florida! (It’s not quite as exciting as it may sound. Those of you that have been to Jacksonville know what I’m talking about).

Rubes walking around in their Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirts and their 40’s of Big Jug malt liquor in a brown bag proclaiming their super physical, almighty Jaguars were going to pound on our soft, finesse team led by our quarterback with the giant forehead. They were going to pound us into submission (just ask Mike Peterson), they were going to surpass 375 yards rushing, David Garrard is unstoppable…..

We didn’t stand a chance. Well, until they actually PLAYED the game.

My buddies Paul and Jason (bluetongue and TD Monkey), at almost the exact same time, text messaged me with the words, “Are you nervous”? I actually wasn’t, until game time. I hate losing to Jacksonville. There was really nothing worse than sitting in All Tarp Stadium last year watching them run all over us and then having to deal with their fans that felt they had something to do with their teams’ performance. It was a LONG walk back to the tailgate lot last year and I felt like Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking. I felt like Rob Morris a couple of years ago when he took a punch to the sack. I felt like Willie McGinest when he was in so much pain at the RCA Dome that he couldn’t get off the field by himself…..for one whole play.

Ron Jaworski calls Dallas Clark “The Cashier” “because he MAKES YOU PAY”. We could probably come up with a better nickname for Dallas, but I like Jaws.

The Jaguars just raised their “375” banner. It’s almost as super neat as our “AFC Finalist” banner.

Indianapolis gets the ball to start the game and it looks like everyone on the team is healthy and ready to play tonight (meaning, we have NO excuses if we don’t win this one). The first drive of the game started off with a nice pass to Reggie Wayne that took us to our 43 yard line. Then, Peyton Manning is nearly picked off (and I nearly tinkled in my britches). We have to punt the ball, the Jaguars are all jacked up and they’ll start on their own 8.

A question: When is Jacksonville going to “hit” on one of their picks of a wide receiver in the first round? Matt Jones (everyone agrees he was taken WAY too early and was a project receiver in the FIRST ROUND). He wasn’t even active and word out of Jacksonville is they’re getting tired of his act and he of theirs. Not that I’m complaining.

The Jags (375!!!) are nearly picked off by Bob Sanders and they have to punt. We have the ball on our 32 but again cannot get anything going. Jacksonville, for whatever reason (other than Jack Del Rio being a boob) believes the key to this game is to throw the ball against our defense……….with Garrard and their no-name receivers. Good call. But, for whatever reason, they deviate from their game plan and Fred Taylor runs up the middle for 17 yards. They’re across the 50 yard line, no facing 3rd and 4, and Gary Brackett stuffs Jones-Drew and it’s 4th and 2. Del Rio decides that his superior rushing offense needs a break and they elect to throw the ball on fourth down. It was a really bad decision. The pass was deflected and the momentum is back on our side.

(I think the cops are coming to my house)

We need our offense to really put together a good drive. If we can score any points, at least we’re giving our defense a rest. It feels like they’ve been on the field for a very long time.

Tarik Glenn….I mean, Ryan Diem was just called for a false start and we’re already facing 3rd and 14. Manning connects on a short pass to Joseph Addai, he does all the work, and picks up about 16 yards for a first down! However, on 3rd and 1 we decide to be like Jacksonville and run a deep pass to Reggie Wayne (which fell incomplete). I wasn’t ready to make love to that play selection. At that point in time, I felt we needed to run the ball up the Jags’ hindquarters and show them that we’re just as physical as any other team in the league. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the play call a little bit. I just wasn’t ready to give it a reacharound or buy it dinner or anything. Of course, on 4th and 1, we elect to go for it, called the right play, and Addai ran untouched for 24 yards to the Jaguars’ 12 yard line. Then, it’s Kenton Keith for a 4 yard touchdown run and we have the early 7-0 lead. I think I just heard crickets and saw a tumbleweed roll through the stadium.

We piped in silence.

7-0 Colts

Ok, I’m trying to decipher something the ESPN crew just said. Did Jack Del Rio pull a challenge flag out of his sock or did he pull a sock out of his pants?

I liked Tony Kornheiser’s radio show. I like his newspaper columns. I like him on PTI. I don’t like him in the MNF booth. That being said, he either doesn’t have a clue who Bob Sanders is or doesn’t believe that he can actually change the way the defense plays.

It is now being said by the MNF guys that Sanders is Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris. Ok, swell.

Ed Johnson just picked up Indy’s first sack of the night on Garrard. Robert Mathis flushed DG up into the pocket and Johnson pounced on him for a six yard loss. As we return from a commercial break, we notice Garrard on the sidelines and Quinn Gray is now lining up as Jacksonville’s quarterback (and the Jags fans collectively vomit in their mouths).

3rd and 18 is a bad situation to find yourself in. Especially if your initials are Q.G. Bauer/Norris just picked him off.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

I am officially a Kenton Keith fan. He’s a strong runner and provides a great alternative to Addai.

Reggie Wayne looks like he’s going to have a big game as he just grabs a Manning pass for 31 yards to the Jaguars’ 10 yard line. Addai shimmies down to the one foot line and then that stat-whore Manning takes all the glory for himself as he lunges forward for a touchdown and we’re up 14-0! Neat! Neat!

We now have the Jaguars on the ropes. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more comfortable with a 14 point lead. Jacksonville can’t run the ball, they can’t pass (I sound like Jim Mora). They’re offense is totally shot. We cap off the first half with a 36-yard Adam Vinatieri field goal and take a 17-0 lead into the locker room. Jags fans are booing, dogs and cats are sleeping together and Vic Ketchum is hitting his plums with a sledgehammer and asking himself if it can get any worse.

Jacksonville pulls some wacky kick return out to start the second half and Jones-Drew scampers 66 yards and the Jags look like they might finally have something going on offense. Quinn Gray is still the quarterback as Garrard is out with a leg injury. Here’s a question I’ve asked several times but have never gotten a respectable answer: IF AN OFFICIAL THROWS A FLAG, DOESN’T THAT TYPICALLY MEAN HE SAW SOMETHING THAT WASN’T ALLOWED? What is this “there was no penalty on the play” crap? I will NEVER understand this.

Hot Shotz Bar and Grill sucks. I watched this game in my living room, I didn’t order out from Hot Shotz, I’ve only been there once. I just felt like saying they suck. And I’m right.

Jones-Drew crosses the goal line, fumbles the ball after Gary Brackett knocks it loose and it looks like the Colts recovered. However, the football had already crossed the goal line before MJD coughed it up, yet we decide to challenge? We lose the challenge.

17-7

Dear Tony,

Stop challenging. We never have it called in our favor.

Sincerely,

J. Mora

Indianapolis is facing a third and (I think) 4 and Del Rio’s head just exploded because they’re called for an offside penalty and we have a first down.

Tony Ugoh is out (no real explanation from MNF) and Charlie Johnson is in. No pressure, CJ.

Our drive stalls and we’re forced to punt and Hunter Smith knocks it down to the four yard line. Russell Crowe is now in the MNF booth. Don’t care.

Me: A sack in the end zone wouldn’t be bad.

Dwight Freeney blows past the o-line and drills Gray in the back for a safety! Gangsta!

19-7

MNF is back with Russell Crowe! Don’t care.

Somebody tell Indiana’s own Paul Spicer that he really should knock off the “body slam” move he seems so fond of (he just sacked Peyton). I’m not saying our guys don’t like to celebrate after a job well done, but I honestly can’t remember the last time Dwight Freeney freaked out and acted like a pro wrestler after a sack.

It’s now 3rd and 18 and WHAT A FRICKIN’ CATCH BY REGGIE WAYNE!!!!! A 23 yard gain and a first down inside the Jags’ 10 yard line (and the pass was even better).

Manning is nearly picked off in the end zone and we settle for another field goal and we’re up 22-7. It’s quiet in Jacksonville.

Gray is just not having a good day. Kelvin Hayden just picked him off. We’re just beating the crap out of them now. However, a Manning pass was deflected and intercepted so we give them the ball right back.

The first time (I believe) they threw in the general direction of Marlin Jackson (is he becoming a shut-down corner?) he lights up the receiver and the pass falls incomplete. Jacksonville, on its heels, fails on a 4th and 10 attempt and this baby is all but over (375!!!!!!!!!!!).

Seriously, I talked to a couple of people about this: I said, “We should play a drinking game tonight. Any time the MNF crew mentions the PatriOTS and Brady, we should have to take a drink”. Of course, we’d have all passed out by the end of the first quarter.

Hell, I was waiting for Kornheiser to take a microphone out into the crowd to ask them if they’d rather have Manning or Brady. He was FORCING Tirico and Jaws to pick (and Crowe too, I think). We GET IT, Tony.

The “Cashier” just scored with nobody on him and we’re up 29-7. Yeah, it’s not nearly as spectacular as the ass-pounding New England handed to the Super Dolphins, but I’ll take it.

Nice work by Del Rio keeping his star running back in the game. Jones-Drew just limped off with some type of knee injury and we see Vandy, Dallas and someone else impersonating Daniel Russo’s “crane” move in Karate Kid (that seems to be MJD’s signature move). Sweep the leg!!!!!!!!! Get him a bodybag!!!!!!

Sack/fumble/recovery/ballgame.

So, we’re now only the second undefeated team in the NFL. The New England Awesomes and the Colts. I think I just saw the entire ESPN crew humping a cardboard cutout of Tom Brady. Afterall, he has eleventy-billion touchdown passes and the PatriOTS are UNSTOPPABLE.

Well, I guess we’ll have to wait to find out. We’re up against Vinny Testaverde, his motorized cart and the Carolina Panthers this weekend. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble with them and all I’m hoping for is for us to remain healthy prior to the following week’s showdown against the Awesomes in the RCA Dome.

Excellent victory by the Colts. The Jaguars are all talk and no show. Just ask Mike Peterson. He’ll tell ya so.